BIG Sunday Post

- I took this picture today not really even meaning to. This is my favorite part of him his BIG arms, and the tattoos, his strong hands. He's just such a stud.

There is something about not having any plans during the weekend that make me SO happy. Nothing like sleeping in, and enjoying a cup of coffee while catching up on your DVR'ed shows. Throw in some random errands and our weekend was so relaxing.

- We leave for Flordia in about three weeks (give or take) I am SO excited. We decided to fly there which excites me even more. It has been awhile since I have been on a plane and it will be a nice adventure for the two of us. We have such a busy couple of weeks coming up its exhausting to even think about. Battle training for him in Ohio, I have to babysit for a week in AA, I finally my HSG test, and I get my wisdom teeth out. Unfortuantley all of these "medical procedures" I have to go through Bobby will be out of town.

- Does match.com have a friend finder? I am having the worst time finding some good friends. (Kaitlynn not directed towards you; as a matter of fact all of my friends shouldn't even be questioning if I am talking about them or not.) I think partly this is my fault, I have a few friends who are pregnant and not married, but in some sort of 'relationship' it annoys me that everyone is getting pregnant..apperently its the thing to do now. Who knew?! Either way...I love my mom and she truly has become a very best friend to me. But there is certain things I just can't talk about my mom with..plus it helps to hear other peoples problems as well.

- Deployment is getting closer and it makes me sick. I am now to the angry stage. Imagine hands on hips, face all red, and stomping my feet all throughout the house. I'm mad at the Army for making him go, I'm mad that he has to go, and I am even mad that he wants to go. I know he loves his country, he signed up for this, I knew what I was marrying into, blah,blah,blah..I can still be mad.

- Did I mention we are going to Florida and I AM SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!

- Army Wives..anyone watching it? please tell me why I am watching it? Espacially tonights episode. I am dying to find out whose dead. How awful is that.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

1. Things that make you go hmm..

- Bobby's tattoos always amaze me. They are so beautiful..in a manly way of course!

2. Me time.

3. Decay

- The fence my neighbor and I share is slowly falling apart yet neither one of us want to take care of it!

4. Kitchen

- The favorite part of my kitchen is my coffee cup cabinet!

5. Groups of three

Long overdue..

So..

We are going to Disney! I am so excited! I have never been and we wanted to do something really fun and special for our last big trip before Bobby takes off. We are driving...figured it would be more of an adventure there is no rush and we can stop in the cute towns we see.

As far the infertility stuff goes..we have been a hault. I was on the medication to jump start my period and it did nothing. I got an ultrasound this morning and minutes after I started spotting! So we are back on the inf. train. From now until the end of March I will have had my blood drawn about 3-5 times, peed on an ovulation stick every morning till we get a +, and will have iodine travel thru my tubes to see how everything is falling. Please, please wish us luck and pray. My ultrasound today went well. The women was wonderful! I have had such a bad experience with my tech in the past so I was a tad nervous. As far as my results okay...my lining is thicker than normal so I am on yet another medication to make me TMI bleed heavier, and cramp more heavily..awesome. My biggest concerns right now are that we are going to go thru all of this and find nothing wrong with me that it really was my stress and worries that caused those miscarriages..then I think I know there is women out there way more stressed out than I am.

You may be thinking to yourself..Your crazy to get pregnant while your husband is at war..well yes, I guess I am.

Bobby has been wonderful. He can sense how much of a toll all of this crap is taking on me. He has been helping out around the house and even snuggles me..yes ladies he even snuggles me.

We have had a few conversations about what to do when he gets home..and we are thinking going active may be the best option. Meaning we would move out of MI ( no bases here in MI) and move to where ever they tell us to move..so far, I have no objections to it except for my family. I am so close with my mom and my brother, dad and teach me to do "man" things. So moving to say Texas..is kind of a big step. I know it will be good for Bobby and I though. Even better for his career.

My Shit List

1. 
   All of the women who think that marrying someone in the military is a free ride, a fun time if you will.
2. Tricare for completley screweing me on my dental coverage. Now I have to wait three weeks to get my wisdom teeth out that seriously need out.
3. All of the OBGYN who didn't listen to me. Just because I am not pregnant doesn't mean I am not a good patient. Also, just because I am young dosen't mean I don't have insurance..Because I do.
4. My period. Where are you? I am tired of being on this medication.
5. My stomach. It hurts, and no one can do anything about it.
6. The Army. You have made me feel like a single women. I go to bed alone, come home alone, etc.
7. I LOVE my dogs. But I brought home some old stuffed toys from my parents house today..and they were torn apart within 5 minutes.
8. Bills. Need I say more?
9. The water problem in my basement that is probably going to cost me thousands of dollars to fix.
10. My blackberry. It doesn't hold a charge.
    

I am annoyed.

I'm annoyed.

I'm annoyed because ever since commercials for this cute, tear jerking new show Coming Home started previewing on Lifetime suddenly everyone supports the troops. I could be wrong..I could very well just be overreacting. But for those who are just SO excited for this show..you'll notice they talk about Iraq a lot..that's because this "show" was on you tube last year. News flash..wars in Afghanistan now. On that note, my husband is trudging around in the rain, snow, and mud training for this war that you all are getting a kick out of watching everyone "coming home" from.

On a harsher note I may have bitched and moaned from day one about Bobby being in the Army but I support him 100% and I couldn't be more proud. Here is a quick bullet point.

• If your husband is going to Afghanistan in a few months..maybe you should get your head out of your ass and accept it.
• Cheating ruins more than your marriage. Quit making all of us faithful wives look bad.
• (Kaitlynn this is not directed towards you :) ) When your boyfriend does call you for a few hours..step into someones shoes who doesn't know if/when she'll hear from her husband.

I'm sorry for the complaining post. I'm just annoyed.

Long, random post.

I haven't blogged in awhile..frankly because I am irritated with the world. I knocked a few people off my blog list, and made this thing private. I can't read about people being pregnant anymore it is killing me. We are at a complete hault with all of this infertility crap. My body just won't have a cycle and I am on this medication that makes me sicker than a dog and I have lost all since of an appetite. In the last three weeks I have lost 5 pounds..not normal for someone who isn't even trying to lose weight. I'm exhausted, I have no motivation to do anything. Work is an obstacle lately. I'm bored with everything, I don't know what the hell I want to do with anything anymore. Not to mention, the all dreaded deployment is creeping. I was getting together schedules this afternoon and Bobby is gone...at least two weeks out of every month until July. He's working out every night until about 8pm..I KNOW he has to work out but by the time he gets home he's exhausted and ready for bed. Leaving me with about 35 minutes of his time and that's me sitting in the bathroom talking to him while he showers, or laying in bed hoping he is still awake hearing me. I have the worst stomach aches in the world and honestly I am at the end of my rope with it. I feel like someone with extremely long acrylic nails is opening me up, and twisting my insides and then slowly letting them loose, and then doing it again 20 minutes later.

I got my cards read on Sunday and I cried because of how right she was. The notes that were taken during my reading were very interesting i'll bullet point a few.

• money conscious, learning to take risks.
• dreamer look to future
• priorities together
• unsure about home
• on guard anti-social
• medical matters
• needs of a child, feeling overwhelmed
• learning about marriage

in a nutshell there was a lot of baby talk and a lot of marriage talk. I got really emotional with the baby comments. I'm learning that I need to just let it go. The one thing this women did say that not only frightened me but made me happy was that our first baby we lost would be coming back within the next three months..freaky? She said a few things about a legal/medical issue that will be dealt with soon. I'm thinking its the DNC that I should have had but the OB I was going to didn't seem to care enough to give me one.I need to chill out and not feel like a failure. Easier said than done. Unfortunately we won't know anything until I have a period, and then getting an HSG test done. On that note, I am tired of waiting...that's all we do..take this pill and wait, take this vitamin and wait, go get your blood drawn, take this test, do this, and wait. Catch my drift?

Bobby and I went away two weekends ago and had such a wonderful weekend. We stayed in Traverse for a night and had the most amazing view of Traverse Bay. It was something we really needed to do. It brought us back to a good spot. I don't care how many years you have been married I think all couples need some time away just you two to get back to being one. I think we sometime lose sight of that.

I have found that a lot of people I haven't talked to in years are reaching out to me about this baby issue. I really, really appreciate the thoughts and concerns.

We've had some new and old friends come in and out of our lives. About a year ago when I was working at the credit union I was training with someone who at the time I didn't think would have such a big impact on me. We joke that we were separated at birth..because we are the exact same person. She is a wonderful mother to a beautiful baby girl. Shes been through hell and back but you would never know. The one thing that I love about Kailtynn is that she never says she is sorry for what's happened to Bobby and I, she doesn't tell me to be patient, nor does she ever tell me that I don't want kids once I have been around a screaming baby. She loves my dogs and my cats, and has a secret crush on my hunky husband. As far as the old friends go..I made a personal choice that I didn't like the things that were said and done..and strings were cut.

A good family friend has a baby this week. Baby Laenie is adorable and I can't get enough of that little girl.

Do me a favor and cross your fingers that things start to move faster. I can't take the wait anymore. Oh, did I mention this physic lady told me there would be three kids in this family..possiably twins?