Its August? really?

It is safe to say I am not ready for next month. Its hard to beleive I will be saying goodbye to my bestfriend, husband, maker of the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, dog discipliner, tummy soother, my personal doctor..going on will make me cry more tears than I promised myself I wouldn't shed today.

He's ready. I'm not. Its been a wake up call this month with him being gone so much doing his actual full time Army job, the lonliness is officially kicking in. Working from home is wonderful don't get me wrong but I feel like I am in a prison..I work from home, I do everything from home. The one place that B and I share the most. This is our home. He came home for literally 48 hours this weekend just to sleep in his own bed and relax before he had to pick up and leave again. It is bright, sunny, and hot outside but I feel so empty. The house is so quiet, I promise you the only that is keeping me going is having the oppurtunity to take photos of beautiful familes, couples, babies, etc.

No one warned me it was going to be this difficult. Don't get me wrong some days I feel like I can do this. One year? psh. I can do that.

I cried. So incrediably hard my poor husband doesnt handle tears well he's trained to push harder when tears come so he just stares at me. I cried for all the date nights we'll miss, I cried because I can't imagine doing everything without him. Some of you may be thinking why don't you just think of the positive things? Listen..I am having a negative day so I am going to be negative. Tomorrow will be better it always is. I'm allowed to have one day a week to be a complete and utter mess about this. At least that is what I am allowing myself to have..one day.

Our basement flooded I am talking gave flooding a whole new meaning. Long story short there was a hole in the backyard from the previous owners and with the amount of rain we have had lately the whole got bigger, and bigger oh yeah and the puppy I have running around who loves to dig. That hole created a wall in my basement to cave in..causing dirt, water, and gunk to form on the basement floor. Of course B is gone. I literally walked down into the basement, opened the door looked, and turned right back around. No gasp, no "OMG", nothing.

It sucks being the husband and wife. Really, really sucks. Go hug your husband. Tell him how much you love him, and how much you appreciate everything he does.

I wish I could leave this house somedays..everything has B written all over it. From the flag on the outside of the house, to every.single.picture with him in it.

Deployments suck. Pre-deployment training sucks. Being lonley sucks.