No one ever said that the pre deployment process was going to be this tough. I can't tell you the last time I truly slept a full seven-eight hours. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night just to touch B to make sure he is still here. That song by Carrie Underwood 'Just a Dream' came on the radio on my way home the other day and I literally felt like someone was sitting on my chest I found it difficult to breath. How the hell..am I going to do this? I am having nightmare after nightmare. Were down to 15 days until I have to say goodbye. 15 days..typing this out I feel like I am going to vomit everywhere. The thing is we don't have kids and we are each others everything I don't have a baby, or a toddler, or kid running around to distract me from what is happening. I am stuck in my own head 24-7.
I dread the day I have to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to someone you may never see again? I shouldn't think like that but I do. For those of you amazing wives who have already gone through a deployment I am begging you to please not tell me that the war isn't nearly as bad as it was when YOUR husband went. Its still war, my husband is still fighting.
I'm terrified. I feel incredibly alone and weak. Tensions are so high in our house. It has gotten pushed out so many times that its a shock this day is actually approaching.
As I try to write out a letter to my husband I have typed, erased, cried, typed again and still can't find the words to truly convey how much I love him and how proud I am of him.
Hug the one you love the most.
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