I can honestly say I haven't felt this down in a very long time. Ever since the pre-deployment seminar I have tried to busy myself thinking that this deployment is not really happening. Well folks, it is and I am not as ready as I thought I was. How you ask I figured out that I'm not ready?
Well..Bobby is in GRAYLING, MICHIGAN yes he is still in Michigan and I have had nothing but sleepless nights and tearful days. I can not tell you why I am like this and I don't like it one bit. Yesterday I had one of the worst days I have had in awhile. One of those days where anything and everything could go wrong. From the moment I woke up till the moment I went to bed I was nothing but a pouty lip and sad, sad eyes. I think a lot of this has to do with not talking to Bobby as much during the day or night for that matter. I forget sometimes that as tough as I want to be, I'm not. He truly is my best friend and a huge importance in my life and not having him there to tell me my bad day is just a day and it will get better was really emotionally draining.
Of course we have all had bad days before so you'll understand what I mean when I say that the littlest thing was a huge production..I was blaming myself for everything and bringing up the all dreaded miscarriages and crying about what a failure I am.
I'm still not sleeping very well and my appetite is shot. Who waits till 5 o'clock to eat their first meal? oh yeah me. You know my mind is now jumping back to wow you didn't eat all day and your trying so relgiously to get pregnant. nice. job.
please for the love of everything perfect someone take me out of my own head.
I have my consultation for our AI (artifical insemination) tomorrow afternoon and i'm just not in the mood. I don't want to talk about the second most depressing thing going on in my life.
Am I patethic or what? Don't worry I am making myself gag just by typing this all.
On the one and only upside to this week here is two pictures of two beautiful girls that I call my neighbors. Miss Laila and Miss Alana!
nevermind..blogger doesn't want to post pictures.
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